So What's It Gonna Be?
by DanniWasHere
Summary: I stink at summaries, but this is a collection of oneshots/scenes of fanfictions for Goliath and the Leviathan series in general.
1. Suspicious

A/N: Okay, so this is my first ever fanfiction, so I'm half excited and half nervous. So, I'm on a huge Leviathan kick, and Goliath isn't coming out until September. I've been reading some epic fanfics and wanted to try some of my own, so here I am! Heh heh...Anywho, this fic is mainly centered around different ways Deryn could be revealed, WARNING: randomness may be used...a lot.

Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish! Not Scott Westerfeld...sorry, I know y'all wanted some spoilers. :P

A/N: This first chapter will be crack, already posted in dialogue form on the westerblog, I've decided to make it in fic form. Yes, this is mine so I don't need a second disclaimer. Let's pretend we can travel into books, 'kay?

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Danni finally got _Goliath, _it had only taken a year of waiting. She opened up to the first page and found a weird note in the pages. _Do you wanna have some fun?_ Having a total Harry Potter moment, Danni took out a pen and wrote "yes" on the slip of paper. Her head started to throb and she closed her eyes to the pounding in her brain.

"Holy barking Leviathan! Are you bloody okay?" Danni's eyes fluttered open and she looked into the eyes of a skinny, tall girl. Her blue eyes were opened wide and she had her hands held out awkwardly, as if unsure as whether or not to help Danni up.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Deryn."

"H-how do you know who I am?"

"I have my ways."

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Over the next few days Deryn and Danni became friends; bonded by their tomboyish nature and prankster ways, they forged a friendship filled with laughter...gut-splitting laughter. Danni was not laughing, however, when Deryn decided to put Bovril down Danni's back while he screeched "Hahahahaha a bra! A bra!" So it was time for some revenge. Deryn should learn to fear Danni's evil smiles.

Deryn was talking with Alek the next day when Danni sauntered up in an over-the-top reenactment of "Dylan's" swagger-ful walk. Danni ran up to them and put an arm around each of their shoulders; turning her head towards Deryn, she sighed, batting her lashes. "Ah! Summer, the season of romance! Dylan, have you ever been in love?" Deryn flustered and blushed, while Alek leaned in closer, clearly curious. Danni, however, wouldn't let it stop there. She played to destroy. Danni smacked her cheek in mock surprise. "Oh golly! Who do I think I'm talking to! I know _exactly_ who you're in love with!" Alek jumped in, "Really...?" Deryn flushed and found her voice. "She knows nothing!" Danni raised her right eyebrow; she couldn't let it end, this was just so incriminating! "You willing to bet your position on it?" That got her. "...Probably not..." _I'll let her think she's safe._ Danni thought. "You're in love with...in love with...THE SHIP!" Deryn let out the breath she had been holding, but Alek, being the lovable dummkopf he is, had to point out the obvious. "Dylan! We have so much in common!" _Safe time over. This is too good to pass up!_ Danni moved in for the kill. "Oh wait! That reminds me! You aren't in love with the ship! That was Alek! Which reminds me again! You're in love with Alek!" It was quiet for a moment before Alek broke the silence with a stream of laughter. "Hahahahahaha, but Dylan's a man, you silly girl. The manliest man I've ever mat! He's so manly that he could only be a man, and men don't fall in love with men. So there." He looked so smug, Danni could help but add to the conversation. "Yes...but women can fall in love with men..." Deryn could't take it any longer, and snapped, "For the love of the whale! Shut up!" Alek looked confused as his face dropped. "What do you mean? Are you trying to say something?" "Oh. My. GOSH. A break through! I have to tell Volger!"

Volger, who had been walking by, cut in, "Tell me what?" Deryn couldn't believe her rotten luck, "Seriously?" Alek spoke to his swordsmaster, "This girl is being weird..." Volger cocked an eyebrow. "Really?" _Wow, the universe heeps throwing me these oppurtunities, so much for Alek's Providence, luck's on me._ "Yeah! Dylan is in love with Alek and men can't fall in love with men, but women can fall in love with men!" Now Volger was getting amused by the short girl. "Ah...and what do you think of that Aleksandar?" "Should I think something about that?" _Dummkopf!_ Thought Danni, Volger, and Deryn. Volger grabbed Alek's and Deryn's collars. "Oh for the love of a brain! Even I am growing sick of his density!" He brings both of his arms forward, dragging Deryn and Alek into an awkward kiss. Not that Deryn was complaining...

However, Alek was confused. "Volger! You just made me kiss a man! The manliest man I've ever met!" Deryn threw her arms in the air, breathing out, "I give up!" Danni wasn't done yet, though. "I don't!" Volger beat her to the punch. "Dylan is actually a girl!" _That_ got Deryn's attention. "I can't believe you told! You've been going on for long enough about me keeping my mouth shut!" Danni was peeved for an entirely different reason. "I can't believe you told! I wanted to tell him!. Volger calmly addressed both girls. "Dylan, I was trying to get it out there because...look at him...it's sad how dense he's been. And as for the random little girl, I simply wanted to annoy you 'cause that's what I do." Alek looked between the threesome and gave his two cents. "I'm starting to get the idea that Dylan's actually a girl..." That did it. The three present who had better deduction and reasoning skills threw their hands up in the air and shouted, "I GIVE UP!" Volger left to continue his walk to his room, and Deryn left to feed the bats, leaving Danni to run up to Alek and whisper in his ear, "Yes, Dylan's a girl." Thank goodness she was the only one present to witness his continuing density when he whispered back, "Oh my providence! Really? I've been wondering what Volger had on Dylan." Finally, Danni just had to walk away, swearing she lost some IQ points all the way to her room.

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A/N: Okay, so how was it? Good? Bad? Not horrible? Please review so I know what to work on and stuff! Please and thank you! Even if you don't like it at all, I'd appreciate your review on what it was you didn't like, but please not hate-reviews. Constructive criticism only please. ^^;;;


	2. Disguises

**A/N: Oh my gosh! I got a review! Thank you so much Brynn! You have given me my first ever fanfic review! And it was positive feedback! So now I'm happy and going to post again! So to anyone who reads this, please review; it means a lot and it makes me happy!**

**Disclaimer: Sorry guys, I'm not Scott Westerfeld...**

**A/N: I am so sorry. I'm kind of...I don't even know. But I'm in the mood for another crack piece...**

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Alek's POV

"Mr. Sharp and...Alek. Your presence is requested, no, required in my office." Alek heard his best friend let out a breath when Captain Hobbes' message ended before standing up. "Come along, your princeliness. I don't want to get into any barking trouble 'cause you can't get off your lazy bum and move." Heh, only Dylan would ever address Alek as "your princeliness." With an audible groan at Dylan's nickname, Alek stood up from his chair and followed Dylan out of the room.

Dylan and Alek stood in front of Captain Hobbes, and Dylan looked at the captain's moustache. His eye twitched with the memory of Volger's threats, but was brought back to the conversation when the captain began speaking. "I'm afraid that you to will be going on a mission. Don't worry, Alek; we have already gotten the go ahead from Mr. Volger. Anyway, this mission is a bit...different from anything you have done before. You see, we need to infiltrate an event in Japan, but it's a dance...so we need girls...and you two are the shortest (A/N: Yes, Deryn will be shorter than Newkirk, but still taller than Alek). So, erm, you two will be disguised as girls and accompany two other crewmates to this event." Alek glanced at Dylan and saw his eyes widen and his cheekbones flushed and light pink. "Bloody hell."

Deryn's POV

When Alek and Deryn got to their respective rooms, there were dresses hanging on their door handles. On each, there was a not attached saying _Ready for tonight? Put these on and report to the mess hall at three o' clock. We need to get you ready for the dance, so you'll need to learn the feminine social niceties._ Deryn groaned inwardly and checked the time. Two thirty. She flashed into her room and scrambled into the azure gown. The material slid over her head and cinched at the waist, the skirt gathered, giving the impression of fuller hips. _Lord knows what they have in mind for our cheasts._ Thought Deryn as she slipped out the door and started striding for the mess hall.

Alek put his palm to his face when he saw the dress. The pink dress slid onto his frame and he turned to the mirror. At least he wasn't quite muscular enough to look like some dummkopf playing dress up in his mother's closet. The top was a bit loose, but he figured it was for...those things...and the skirt hid the fact that he, of course, had no hips. The gown hit the floor and rustled when he walked. And walk he would have to do, all the way to the mess hall.

Alek's POV

When Dylan walked in, Alek was already suffering the laughter of Newkirk and Nameless Expendable #4. Captain Hobbes tittered at the sight of the two boys dressed up in specially tailored gowns. Alek and Dylan turned to look at each other, and , even though both laughed at the absurdity of the situation, Alek couldn't help but think that Dylan managed to pull the look off...

"Newkirk, you will be escorting Mr.-er _Miss._ Sharp. You there! Yes, you. You will be escorting Miss...Alexandra. Mr. Sharp, you will be known tonight as Miss Dana Stone. Alek, you will be known as Miss Alexandra Fare. Don't laugh!" Newkirk and Nameless Expendable #4 forced the grins off their faces and tried to compose theirselves. Volger burst through the doors and looked at the two newly made-up girls. "Well hello there Miss Sharp, and you, young mistress. Don't you two look ravishing?" He was clearly amused as he stood there, eyebrow cocked. Captain Hobbes broke Dylan's death glare when he handed them each some padding and told them that when they came back, the two had better look like proper girls. "I'm going to be teaching you how to dance, table manners, and _how not to swear_." He looked pointedly at Dylan, who tried, and succeeded, in looking positively innocent. Dylan spoke up. "But what about Barlow?" "She's traversing the city already. She won't be back until after you four need to leave." When the three men left, leaving Volger, Alek, and Dylan alone, Volger turned to Dylan and said, "This is something I would have greatly wanted to see. Can you really undo all your hard work?" Then he sauntered off.

The three men reentered to find two she-males. Dylan could almost pull it off, but Alek was going to need another little push in the right direction. Good thing the three had come bearing wigs.

During their Girl Lesson, Alek noticed how Dylan seemed to pick everything up quickly. Their voices were a bit difficult, however. Alek actually got a high pitched girl voice down quicker than Dylan. It was nearly time for the two teams to disembark. Captain Hobbes had the two couples practice a dance one last time and stepped back to admire his work. But seeing Dylan and Alek in dresses and acting like girls...he was a bit creeped out.

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**A/N: Once again, thanks for reading and please review! I love the feedback, but no hate-reviews, please! Constructive criticism is welcome but I don't want to be insulted by flames. **


	3. Midnight's Cloak

**A/N: I feel like I should add in a mean fic...but I like writing funny stuff too. So I'm going to try and get two more chapters up today. One mean and one funny. Thanks to Ari who said nice things about my fic! Yay! **

**Disclaimer: If I were Scott, I wouldn't be dying of anticipation for the Goliath release...**

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Alek's POV

I can't sleep. My head is pounding. I keep thinking about Dylan's secret. What is it? Volger certainly gets some use out of it, and I know that Dylan may act like it's not a big deal, but it has to be eating at him. Gah! I need to clear my head. It's been several days since they allowed us Clankers to be left unattended, but who's to say they don't give us night guards? I peered out the door, but no, there's no one down the hall. I start walking down the hall, not really paying attention to where I'm going when I hear a door creak open. I duck behind a corner and look up. Dylan's sneaking out of his room and heading this way. I squish myself into the shadows, holding my breath as Dylan walks by. I think that I could have stood out in the open and he wouldn't have seen me; he seems a bit preoccupied...almost...scared. Curious, I follow him as he walks back towards the hall I just came from. Dylan stops in front of Volger's room and knocks lightly. The door opens almost immediately and Volger quickly ushers Dylan in.

I run up and strain my ear to catch the conversation. Volger broke the silence first.

"Do you know why I called you in here tonight?"

"No...sir."

"Well, you see, Alek seems to be growing suspicious of your secret."

"It was Eddie Malone's frog! I didn't tell him anything, I swear!" Dylan sounded panicked.

"I know you won't say anything, because the second you do, the captain'll know the same." _What's going on?_ "You want to stay onboard? You'll have to keep your mouth shut, Sharp."

"I won't tell. I won't tell. I won't tell." Footsteps.

"I know you won't. But this whole conversation is simply a precaution, after all, Alek seems to lack any deduction skills, right, _Mr._ Sharp?" There is the sound of flesh hitting flesh and a muffled crash. Someone groans from behind the door. Dylan? "That was also a precaution. Do not disappoint me, Sharp. I will do whatever it takes to prevent this from happening a second time."

"I think we both know bloody well that you have nothing to worry about in that department."

"I'm glad that we reached an understanding." With that, the door opened and Volger helped support a slumping Dylan as he left the wildcount's presence. Hand holding his head, Dylan walked down the hall, back towards his room.

Deryn's POV

My head bloody hurts. That barking count slapped me. I'll have a right time trying to hide the angry red handprint I'm bound to have across my left cheek. It doesn't help that I fell against the desk. I have to concentrate. Left foot. Right foot. One in front of the other. A hand on my shoulder. I turn my head and look into Alek's eyes. I'd better make up a bloody good story, quick. "Alek! Hi!" Barking spiders, that sounded so fake. He reached out and touched my cheek.

"Dylan...what happened?"

"I fell in the hall. Tripped over a message lizard. All over the barking sh-"

"Dylan. Tell. Me. The. Truth."

"I...*sigh* was Mr. Moustache's room and he bloody scared me. I fell on the floor and he tried to grab me before I hit the floor, but he accidently hit me." I stared down at the floor, hoping he would buy it and leave. Clart! My eyes were starting to water and my head was really starting to throb.

Alek's POV

Dylan's eyes were starting to water, and I realized how fragile he looked. I've never really noticed how skinny he was, and now that his walls are breaking down, he looks so...helpless. I want to comfort him, but how do you comfort a best friend in this situation. He didn't even want me to know what really happened. He had a secret bad enough to get him thrown off the Leviathan, a secret Volger was obviously using to his advantage. What did that conversation mean? Bovril climbed out from the collar of my shirt-when did he get there?-and said, "_Mr._ Sharp." _Mr._ Sharp. Secret. A second time. Feelings. No...no way...there is no way...

It clicks, Dylan...could he really be a _she?_ A girl? My best friend's a girl? It's not possible, but...everything makes sense. Oh my gosh, I practically threw it in her face that I'd rather not affiliate with common girls. I said I'd run a mile should I ever begin to get close to them. Gah! I've been such a _dummkopf_! I reached out and wrapped my arms around her. I put my lips hear her ear and whispered, "I'm not running, Dylan."

Deryn's POV

"I'm not running, Dylan." That _is_ what he just said, right? He knows! He knows! Volger is going to get me kicked of the Leviathan now! I need to fly; I can't go back to Glascow. I just can't. But...right now I was okay. Right now, Alek knew and didn't hate me. Right now someone knew and understood. Alek finally let his arms drop. "I just realized that I don't know your name." I smiled.

"It's Deryn."

"Deryn. That means bird, right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I had an interest in name meanings a couple years ago. It was one of the first names under 'Welsh Names' in an etymology journal. It fits you."

"Thanks. You...won't tell, will you?"

"Of course not, boy or no, you're still my best friend. What kind of friend would I be if I let you get kicked off the Leviathan and hit across the face again."

"You know?"

"Yeah, don't worry. As far as he'll know, I'm still clueless as to your secret."

"Thank you...for not telling my secret." He winked at me.

"What secret?" We both laughed and he wiped at a teardrop threatening to fall.

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**A/N: First I was mean to Deryn, then I threw in fluff. The fluff! It's so fluffy! :P hahahaha Well, that concludes another chapter! Please reviews! Please and thanksies!**


	4. Psychic Scott

**A/N: That last chapter was a bit...heavy...at least compared to the others. Here's another post from Westerblog that I feel like turning into a fanfic. So I now present...chapter 4!**

**Disclaimer: "I'm not chapter 4! But I'm not Scott Westerfeld either! You lie, Author's Note!"**

**A/N: Fine, I'm sorry, **_**Now**_** I present Chapter 4! Again, this is mine, just adapting it to fanfic.**

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Danni picked up _Leviathan_ and decided to reread it. The last time she read it, she got transported into the book and got to make everything awkward. _I wonder if I can go in again..._ and with that, she opened her eyes to a hall. She looked down the hall and saw Deryn walking out of Volger's room with his breakfast tray. Danni follwed close behind Deryn. "Hey Dylan! How did your "chat" with Volger go?"

"Wha-oh er...well..."

"I'll bet it was hard. I heard he totally knows your 'big secret.'" Deryn, not recognizing Danni because this is a fanfic and DanniWasHere can write it however she wants, turned to face the shorter girl.

"Who did you bloody hear that from?"

"Scott Westerfeld!"

"Who's he?" Deryn had never heard of this person. Were they a boffin? Does the whole bloody service know her secret? Danni didn't know how to answer that.

"Oh! Er..."

"Well, then how does he know?" Danni mind-shrugged, she might as well have some more fun while she's here.

"He's er...psychic."

"Barking witchcraft..."

"Yeah...oh! And he also knows about you and Lilit." Danni winked obviously. Deryn was not amused.

"I swear I'll kill you if you don't shut up. And I'm sure this Scott Westerfeld knows it too." Alek walked up to the pair, seemingly surprised at the short girl dressed in strange clothes (ha! Bet Deryn's jealous of Danni's jeans!).

"Hello, Dylan and...Dylan's...friend.

"OMG ALek! I can't believe it's you! I've heard sooooooo much about you and it's great to meet you!"

"Who told you about me?" Deryn cut in on the awkward, but hilarious, conversation.

"That's what I said!" (Yeah, that's what she said. *facepalm* I'm so sorry...)

"Scott Westerfeld!" Alek was confused.

"Who's he?" Deryn didn't need Danni cutting in with any of her strange knowledge of their lives.

"Psychic." But Danni would not be deterred.

"He know's everything about, like, everyone on this ship...except Newkirk's first name..." _Ah! _Thought Deryn._ Not as all knowing as we thought._

"Yeah, what is his first name?" That got Danni...for about half a second.

"Who knows." Now Alek was really confused.

"Shouldn't this Westerfeld fellow know?" _Why must everyone question my statements?_ Thought Danni.

"Does it matter? Anyway, he knows about your army toys and Lilit kissing Dylan...how do you feel about that by the way? Are you jealous?" Alek was still trying to catch up. Why would he be jealous about Lilit kissing Dylan? He didn't like Lilit...was there something he was missing? Deryn looked embarassed. Her cheecks were pink and she chewed at her bottom lip. Then Deryn looked like she was trying to calm down, a futile attempt as she finally looked peeved. Like, murderous peeved. Danni knew when to make a hasty retreat. After all, she wasn't running away, she was making a strategic withdrawal.

"Well...I'd better go! Bye!"

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**A/N: Well...that was...weird. Anywho, like? Dislike? Comments? Reviews please! You tired of my crackfics yet? I don't know if I should continue crackfics or do other stuff to...Well, thanks for reading/continuing to read! I love to know what you think and I hope you're enjoying my fic so far!**


	5. Fluffy Volger!

**A/N: So...I was really mean in chapter 3. I made Deryn cry and Volger was...he was just rude and mean! Why Danni? Why would you do that? (Sorry, I've had quite a bit of pepsi.) So I'm going to do some fluff and niceness and rainbows and unicorns and such. :P**

**Disclaimer: My screen name isn't "ScottWesterfeldWasHere"**

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Alek's POV

I can't believe it. I think I'm falling for Deryn. Ever since she told me her secret, I've noticed how much she really looked like a girl. Her long eyelashes and high cheekbones. Her arched eyebrows and slight frame. The more I noticed, that more I couldn't help thinking about her and her secret. The more I thought about her secret, the more I thought about her. I probably ruined my chances with my stupid common girl talk. But she's coming this way and before I get nervous and run away I call, "Dylan!" I reach out my hand and grab hers. I walk her down the hall and into my room. Taking a deep breath I start talking before she can break the silence and I lose my nerve. "Deryn, I can't get you out of my head, and every time I see you I want to tell you how much you drive me crazy." Her eyes are wide. They're so blue. I lean in and press my lips against hers. My hands entwine in her hair. I can feel her hands come up to rest on my forearms. Everything is perfect.

Volger's POV

I saw it coming. I knew it was going to happen the second I knew she was a girl. From the beginning, I'd hoped to stop it. To prevent Franz and Sophie Part Two. The girl was smart, she was charming, in her own way. She had earned my respect from the second I knew her secret. I knew Alek would fall for her if she was discovered. It took him ages, but he finally figured it out. I walked down to Alek's room and opened the door to see Alek leaning towards the girl. I smiled to myself as he kissed her; I'm always right. I coughed to alert them. They jumped apart, looking guilty. Addressing the girl, I said, "I don't believe you have ever graced me with your name, girl."

"It's Deryn, sir."

"Well, Deryn, I do hope you and Alek aren't trying to hide, because you two left the door unlocked." I could tell I caught them off guard. Alek mumbled something about forgetting something when he dragged her in here. "Don't make me wrong about you, Deryn. I know you make Alek happy, and I know you two are going to need each other if and when this gets out. Don't look at me like that, you can't get married without anybody knowing." I gave the pair a knowing wink and tsked them, wagging my finger. "But make sure you don't get caught here, we don't need to get Miss Sharp here in any trouble. Or make this situation any harder." I bid the two my farewell and walked out the door. I stood outside and heard the lock slide into place and the gir-Deryn said, "Is it just me or did he seem barking _happy?_" Alek laughed and said, "So long as I don't need to worry about us." I won't let it happen again. I'll just have two charges to look after. After all, no snobby, snooty princess could compare to Deyrn, in Alek's eyes. Why deny him any comfort. He deserves every smile she gives him and every smile that splite across his face.

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**A/N: Aw~! So fluffy! Seriously...wow. Well, I stick at fluff...but what did you think? Please review! I love to know what you think and whether or not you like ot or not! What's this? Four chapters in one day? Poor Artemis! *facepalm* Anyway, critique pwease!**


	6. Schadenfraude

**A/N: Aw! Thank you hamaiasa and TheWorldsMyOysterImThePearl for your reviews! Yay for positive feedback and helpful writing advice! **

**Disclaimer: I'm sorry! I'm a girl! I can't be Scott…no matter how much you may want me to be…**

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The first thing that happened when Alek woke up? He rolled out of his bed onto his boots. When he tried to put his boots on, he found Bovril curled up inside his left boot. His dream had been good, at least. He dreamed of Dylan. Dylan looked really pretty for a boy, and he was so manly! But, of course Bovril had to ruin that.

"Dylan! Dylan! Oh ho ho ho ho ho! You're so manly!" As Dylan would say, clart, clart, clart! What was he supposed to do? Bovril was saying phrases from Alek's dream, and there was no way in providence that he was going to let Bovril tell Dylan that. Alek spent a good twenty minutes trying to teach the Loris new words, but Bovril wasn't feeling particularly perspicacious today.

"You are a bum-rag full of barking clart." _No wonder Dylan loves swear so much. There's definitely no other possible reason that he swears so often. Nope. Definitely not._

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho!"

"I love haggis."

"Dylan."

"Yes, Dylan! Dylan is _Mr. _Sharp. Remember? _Mr._ Sharp. That's Dylan"

"Love Dylan!"

"No! Gah! Okay, how about this? Say Moustache."

"Volger! Volger! Volger! Mr. Moustache. Mr. Moustache loves haggis!"

"Good enough, we have to go meet Dylan."

"Love Dylan."

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While walking down the hall, Alek tripped over his own boot. Newkirk bent down to help him up when Bovril looked into Newkirk's eyes and said,

"Love Dylan!" Newkirk flushed, his face turning a lovely red color, and his eyes widened.

"Can that thing read minds?" Newkirk asked nervously.

"No, why wou-"

"Nothing! I have to go!" _That was strange,_ thought Alek. He was walking to the rookery to meet up with Dylan, when he crossed paths with Volger. Though the wildcount eyed him suspiciously (something completely ordinary), Alek thought he could make it past without-

"Love Dylan! So manly!" -That happening. Alek put his palm to his face. Volger's eye twitched and a vein popped up in his head.

"I'm gonna name that vein Larry!"

"Hush, Bovril. Your brother's name is Larry, not Volger's twitch vein." Volger sighed and walked away, mumbling something about not having time for stupidity. Alek knew there would be trouble later, but right now, he had to get to the rookery.

At the rookery, Dylan showed Alek some beasties that he'd never seen before. The bird had two heads! It was intriguing and off-putting at the same time. Alek stayed slightly behind Dylan as Dylan coaxed the beastie toward onto his arm. _Dylan is so fearless._ Thought Alek._ I could never do half of the things he does with confidence and ease. Not that that means anything. He's just my best friend. I admire his swagger. That's it._

"Alek? Hello there, daftie. You want to tell me why you're staring off."

"Oh! Er, sorry, Dylan. I was just thinking."

"Of what?"

"Just…the er…beasties."

"Alright, then. You may want to stay awake, though." Dylan's voice dropped ominously. "You never know what might swoop in on you here…while you're distracted…and unarmed." At that moment, Alek felt something on his neck and a small voice spoke next to his ear,

"Larry! Love manly Dylan!" Alek jumped at the sound of Bovril's voice and words, but Dylan just laughed.

"Dylan! You knew he was there!"

"Of course, your princliness. I saw him crawling to your shoulder while you were distracted, and thought it was the most perfect setup. I just had to take the chance of Bovril's timing." Dylan grinned easily and Alek's chest tightened. "Hey, are you okay, there, Alek? You looked a bit scrambled." His face twisted into a concerned expression. Dylan reached out and put a hand on Alek's shoulder. Alek tensed, then sighed.

"Look, Dylan. All day the weirdest things have been happening to me. You have no idea. From the second I rolled out of bed and almost stepped on Bovril, I knew today was going to go to buggery." Dyaln stared long and hard at Alek.

"I'm rubbing a wee bit too much off on you, aren't I?"

"What do you bloody mean?"

"That. That is exactly what I mean."

"Oh. I guess you're right."

"Yeah…right…are you okay?"

"Me? Oh! I'm…fine." Dylan looked like he was about to say something, but was cut off by a message lizard, who had hopped up on the railing nearest Dylan.

"Mr. Sharp, your presence is required in the engine room."

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Alek didn't have anything to do for the rest of the day. Dylan, however, had to do various jobs around the airbeast, and Alek didn't see his friend until dinner. Walking into the mess hall, Alek saw Dylan immediately. They both took a seat and had just picked up their utensils when Alek's seat collapsed and he ended up on the floor. When he tried to get up, Alek upended his cup of fruit onto his shoulder. Dylan was on the floor too, but he was laughing his bloody head off. At Alek's expense. Alek tried to dump some mashed potatoes over Dylan's head, but only succeeded in slipping in fruit juice, getting covered in half of his dinner.

"Augh! Dylan, are you having a good time over there?" Dylan shook his red-faced head as he continued laughing. "Help me up, then." Dylan helped Alek to his feet, still laughing. "Stop laughing! You have no idea what kind of day I've had. Everything has gone wrong all day!"

"I believe this is where _schadenfraude_ comes to play."

"How do you know what that even means?" Klopp, Hoffman and Bauer walked up.

"That was us, young master. Dylan was spending quite a bit of the day with us in the engine room and we took the time to expand his vocabulary. He's quite good. Keen to learn and a quick study. A bit like you, young master."

"Why would you teach him that word though? Why today?"

"What happened today?"

"Everything!" Newkirk showed up and put an arm around Dylan's shoulders.

"Whew, you're telling me. That beastie read my bloody mind today!" The group turned to Newkirk, obviously curious.

"What did he say?" Klopp asked is slow English.

"N-nothing! He said nothing." He shot a nervous glance at Dylan. _Clart._ Thought Newkirk._ Now that I know Dylan's a girl, I can't ruin it or she'll leave. I have to keep my bloody mouth shut or I'll start rambling and give everything away. Not even Dylan knows I know, and I wouldn't mind keeping it that way._ Newkirk had his dark secret. This secret would be recorded in Newkirk's diary, which would be found later…but that's another story.

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**A/N: I have no idea what this was for. It sucked…bad. It wasn't funny and it was supposed to be crackfic, but, in all honesty, the only reason I wrote this was because I wanted to use the word "schadenfraude" in a fic. Schadenfraude means "happiness at the misfortune of other" or something. Anywho, this was weird to write, and I've learned a very important lesson: boredom does terrible things to the mind and "Schadenfraude" may very well be one of the most hilarious songs I've ever heard. Youtube search it! It's hilarious!**


	7. The Other Story

A/N: So my last chapter, quite frankly, stunk. (Scratch that, people who have reviewed since I started writing this chapter beg to differ, which makes me happy that people are enjoying it!) So now it's redemption time (hopefully)! Hahahahaha

Disclaimer: I do not own Leviathan, its characters, or the name Scott Westerfeld.

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_The Other Story_

Captain Hobbes was inspecting his middies' cabins. Those two were on leave, as the _Leviathan_ was staying in London for a few days and both were visiting family. However, on leave or not, there was an inspection scheduled and he would complete it. They needed to learn to keep their personal space clean at all times anyway. Midshipman Sharp's cabin was spotless as expected, but Midshipman Newkirk's cabin had a draw that was wide open with the contents nearly spilling out in obvious disarray. Tsking to himself, Captain Hobbes walked over and was about to push the drawer in, when he saw that the mess seemed…intentional. Looking through sheets of paper and discarded pens, Hobbes found a bound journal, a page near the middle marked. It may be wrong, but Captain Hobbes turned to the page.

_I cannot believe this. I needed to borrow some soap from Dylan because mine seems to have disappeared. But when I walked into his cabin, I couldn't see him in his room. I turned to leave when I heard soft gasping coming from the other side of the dresser. Looking around the corner of the furnishing, I found Dylan sprawled across the floor; his face was flushed. I rushed to his side and felt his forehead. He had a raging fever, his forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat, and his breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps. His hand was clutched at his ribs and he was unconscious. I didn't know what was wrong, but there was nobody within hearing range and I was afraid to leave him alone. Whatever was wrong, first things first was to see what was wrong with his ribcage. I struggled with trembling fingers to unbutton his coat and shirt. Under his shirt there was a length of tight bandages. I figured that any injury that required the binding could be rebound after I got his breathing back to normal. I started working on the bandages, when I noticed there was something off with his…body. There was a single layer of binding left and there was a slight curve to Dylan's chest. His breathing was becoming more regular, but I couldn't leave the bandages there. There may have been only one layer left, but it was still constricting his-her lungs. I'm still not happy with what happened. Even though I stood her up facing away from me and kept my hands as far away from…her as possible, I didn't want to find out her secret. But I swear I'll keep it, now that I know. After I got her back into her jacket, I laid her back down and walked out. Thinking about all the times she saved my life and all that she's accomplished…is it weird to be…attracted to her? I'm so confused now…_

Captain Hobbes reread the passage. Could it be true? Was his top midshipman really a…a girl? Was it even possible? The next day he saw as Dylan talked with that Alek boy and some other crew members, he noticed the looks Newkirk gave Dylan from across the mess hall. Newkirk got up and walked over to the small group and put his arm around Dylan's shoulder. _Yeah, I'd say it's pretty bloody possible._ He called Dylan into his office after breakfast.

"Hello, _Mr._ Sharp. I've learned some very interesting information." The captain stared at Dylan, but Dylan didn't avert his gaze. _Strong kid._ Thought Captain Hobbes as he broke the stare down. "It seems as though some interesting _secret_ has been found out…about you."

"M-me?" Dylan's voice squeaked out.

"Yes, you. It seems that young Mr. Newkirk has found out a little secret you've been hiding."

"And he told you?" Dylan exclaimed.

"No, he did not tell me, but he keeps fairly detailed diary entries. He believes you to be a girl, and, looking back on your mannerisms, the signs have always been there and I believe it too. Do you admit that it's true?" Dylan hung his head.

"Aye, sir. It's true enough. I'm some daft lass who joined the service to fly. I belong in the air, you see, sir." The captain leaned in and winked.

"Then we had better try bloody well to keep you with us, Mr. Sharp. It wouldn't do to lose my best airman." Dylan looked up, grateful for her secret's reveal to be so easy.

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"Sharp!" Newkirk called to Deryn from one end of the hall.

"Dylan!" Called Alek from the other end.

Nearly everyone on the bloody ship had found out about her secret, but nothing changed. They even still called her "Mr. Sharp" for the sake of normalcy. Bauer, Hoffman, and Klopp had taken even more enjoyment from teaching a girl to swear like a Clanker. But Newkirk and Alek seemed…awkward around her. Both boys reached Deryn at the same time and grabbed one of her arms. They had a tug-of-war of sorts until Deryn called out.

"Oi! You mind not ripping my arms off? I need those to get topside later!" Mumbling apologies, the two boys thrust out their hands for a game of rock, paper, scissors. Alek won, much to Newkirk's chagrin and Deryn followed Alek to their meeting place. The place where they had told so many secrets would be he setting for their last ones.

"So…Dylan. You're a girl?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you. Well…wouldn't tell you. But I _need _to fly. I wanted to tell you so many times but everything's gone pear-shaped every time I tried. I just didn't want you to hate me after you told me your secrets and became my closest friend." Alek said,

"I haven't told you all my secrets. I think I may be in love with you. From the beginning I've always admired you, and lately I've been…thinking about…things. It's not the _Leviathan_ that I'm in love with. It's you. My best friend and the girl I love."

"Oh Alek…I'm sorry, I really liked you a while ago, but Newkirk has been so nice and I think I'm falling for that blasted monkey luddite."

"What!"

"I'm just pulling your leg. Lighten up." She leaned in and kissed a surprised Alek, before going to meet Newkirk.

"Dylan, I…I think I may be in love with you."

"Interesting, how did the captain find out, said you knew first."

"Yeah, that is to say, I did find out first, but I never told. I wrote about it in my diary."

"You what!"

"Heh, sorry." Newkirk shuffled awkwardly as Deryn took deep breaths.

"I'm not mad, but that's because it all worked out. The captain's not going to throw me off."

"I'm glad it all worked out." Newkirk wrapped his arms around Deryn and said, "I know it's Alek, I just wanted you to know." Before walking away.

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Captain Hobbes didn't want this bloody evidence on his ship, should someone come across it. He didn't want Sharp to leave, he was the _Leviathan's_ best airman, and that besides, Hobbes owed Sharp his life for multiple occasions. She's certainly proved her worth in her time on the _Leviathan._ As soon as they docked in New York, he buried that godforsaken diary. Newkirk didn't need a diary anyway…right? Oh well.

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_2015_

"I have no idea what I'm doing digging in this spot, but I feel compelled to find something here." Some movie director mumbled to himself. He got a good foot down when he found a journal. Inside he found out something very interesting. Dylan Sharp, the famous service member from the early 1900's, was actually a Scottish girl, and a year too young to join up, to boot. Well, what do you know, history can be changed. And he was going to make history, not to mention a fortune, by making a movie of what really happened in World War I. He was going to call it_ Leviathan_, and it was going to be a hit. "This movie will be the most epicful thing ever." Yes it will, Scott Westerfeld, yes it will. "Hey, disembodied voice over person, will my movie really be good?" Yes, it will be more successful than the Twilight movies…combined. "Ha! Take that Stephanie Meyer!" Yeah, stick it to her! "Are we breaking the fourth wall?" Probably… "Huh…cool."

A/N: I do not own Scott Westerfeld or Stephanie Meyer.

I hope you guys are enjoying my random fics. Once again, please review with comments, questions, concerns, critiques, and all that jazz. Thanks for reading, bye~!


	8. A Strange Coincidence

**A/N: This was originally chapter nine, but it's done before chapter eight, so I'm changing them! I've been on vacation and doing summer work for the past couple weeks, but now I'm updating again! At least fake cheer! I have to do this…I am so sorry. Oh well, you guys did say you liked crackfics, I hope you like this one too!**

**Disclaimer: Why must I constantly be reminded of the fact that I am not, nor ever will be, Scott Westerfeld…no matter how awesome that would be and how impossible that is. I highly doubt Scott Westerfeld is a fifteen year old girl writing fanfics about his own book series. Oh well, This site demands the disclaimer!**

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Dylan's POV

I walked up to meet my new captain. I had been admitted into the British Air Service and would be serving aboard the _Leviathan_. When I walked to the docking site, I saw a man with a moustache standing below the airship.

"Er…Captain Hobbes…?"

"Yes, that's me. Are you my new middy?"

"Oh, er, yes, sir!"

"Good, good. What's your name, son?"

"…"

"Well? Spit it out, boy!"

"Dylan Sharp, sir." The captain choked in shock. Dylan smacked a hand to his forehead and heard laughter coming from behind him. Both the captain and Dylan turned around to see Jaspert, Deryn, and Alek laughing at the captain's expression. Jaspert called out.

"Don't worry, captain! He's not hers, he's mine!" Captain Hobbes looked down at the blushing boy.

"You're sixteen? And definitely a boy?"

"Yes and yes, sir."

"Then I'm sure we'll have no problems." Said the captain with a wink.

Regular POV

The captain walked up to the threesome and shook hands with Alek and Jaspert ("His mother decided she would spare you her laughter when you met him. Deryn wouldn't miss it, though!") before turning to Deryn, who hugged him and said,

"Shocked? Jaspert thought it would be dead funny, though it was even better when Dylan decided he wanted to join the Air Service."

"Ah, Deryn! If he's anything like his aunt, this will certainly be interesting." Deryn beamed as they heard a voice call out.

"Dyl-Deryn? Alek?" The two turned around and saw Newkirk running towards them. "Hey! I thought it was you two! I-" Newkirk stopped short and started grinning like an idiot when he looked down to Alek's hand around Deryn's waist. "You two! I knew it! I knew it! Let it be known, on record, that I, Blank Newkirk, knew that you two would end up together! Though I must admit, when I first realized Alek liked Deryn, I thought he was homosexual…but enough about that! Heh heh." Alek stared at Newkirk with a strange expression plastered on his face. "What's wrong, Alek?"

"Well, the truth is that I thought so too…" The group went silent until Jaspert broke the tension with a booming laugh.

"Well, my baby sister, you certainly played your part well. The dashing young airman, though maybe you threw in a little too much swagger. You always did learn fast!" Alek blushed and Deryn slapped Jaspert's back. Dylan walked up to join in on the group. His father, the captain, and the other man were certainly enjoying the conversation. He was vaguely aware of a boy about his age walk past him to stand shyly in front of the captain.

"Erm…sir. I was directed here. Are you Captain Hobbes?"

"Yes, you must be my other new middy!"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, out with it!"

"Pardon?"

"Your name, boy. I need to know your name!" The boy flushed terribly.

"Oh right! S-sorry, sir! Midshipman Alex Faren, sir!" Everyone went silent; even Jaspert ceased his laughter. It was Newkirk who broke the tension this time.

"This is so weird! I wish this boy were Austrian! You are a boy, right? Oi! Ease up! I was only joking!" Deryn and Alek just looked at each other before joining Newkirk, Jaspert, and the captain in laughter. After all, it was a strange coincidence.

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**A/N: So…how 'bout them apples? Heh heh. Don't you just love Newkirk? So…what do you think? My first update in a while, review please! I love to hear what you think! Thank you to everyone who reads this! I'm so happy you read all of the chapters! (Unless you just skipped to a chapter that you felt like reading because you didn't want to actually read them all. If that's the case, you get a frowny face sticker on your life. Sorry…it's an expression me and my friends use. You should use it too…it's really fun to say! You just tried it…didn't you?)**


	9. Oh My Darwin!

**A/N: Did anyone miss me? Hahahahaha, don't answer that. I've had a huge writer's block. This is the second time I've written something new instead of finishing what was supposed to have been chapter eight. *Sigh* Well, here's chapter nine. I hope you like it! As per usual, please review and tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I wish…I wish…**

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"Mr. Newkirk, report to the spine immediately." Newkirk sighed and sat up in his bunk slowly.

"Aye, Mr. Rigby. I'll be up in a minute. End message." He rushed around the cabin, gathering his shoes and clothes, before scrambling out the door and right into Dylan.

"Oh! Sorry Dylan! I didn't…I…are you okay?" Dylan's face was flushed and his hair was ruffled.

"Yeah. Of course. What? Oh, er, fine. I'm perfect. Why do you ask? Why wouldn't I be? I have to go?" And with that, Dylan ran off, leaving a flabbergasted Newkirk staring after him and his pet loris thing rambling off random, weird phrases. First it talked in Dylan's voice, then Alek's, recounting an extremely strange conversation.

"Alek…are you sure?"

"Maybe you should stop talking."

"But we're-"

"Just shut up and come here." The loris then made muffled kissing noises. This went on for a little while, and Newkirk started at the loris. Suddenly there was the sound of a door crashing open and a duo of surprised gasps, then the man called Volger called out.

"_Mein gott! _I should have known this was coming." He sighed. "Well, I suppose this shall continue no matter what I say or do, but remember this, _Mr._ Sharp, should there be any _complications_ or _ordeals_, I shall have to reveal your_ situation _to the crew. You may want to be a bit more discreet, as well." The door closed and Alek's voice came back.

"Do you think that was his way of granting permission?"

"I think that was his way of looking the other way while gaining something else to hold over my head."

"You could be right, but my theory sounds more romantic. You have a few more minutes until you have to get back to work, right?"  
>"Aye."<p>

"Perfect." Newkirk's eyes were wide as he listened to the continuation of the kissing. Dylan. Alek. Blushing. Kissing. Messed up hair. It couldn't be true, but everything seemed to add up. Dylan and Alek were _together_. That means they're…they're…they're…like_ that._

"Oh. My. Darwin." The loris ran off to share his new phrase with Dylan and Alek. Newkirk went off to get to the spine late, and have a very awkward lunch with Dylan and Alek.

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**A/N: Not quite what I had planned…but hey, I finally got something new up! I hope you cracked a smile! Heh heh, oh my Darwin. ****J**


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